What Being Half Surinamese-Hindustani and Half Dutch Has Taught Me

People often ask me about my background.

The answer is simple, but the story behind it is much more complicated.

I am half Surinamese-Hindustani and half Dutch.

My mother was born in Paramaribo, Suriname, and came from a Surinamese-Hindustani family. My father was Dutch.

Growing up, I never realised how much those two worlds would shape the person I would become.

Looking back now, I can see that my childhood was influenced not only by two cultures, but also by two very different personalities.

My mother was a strong woman.

Very strong.

To be honest, I was often afraid of her when I was growing up.

She was strict, and sometimes I felt she was too strict. If I had done something wrong, she was not afraid to let me know. It did not matter who was around.

As a child, I mostly saw the strict side of her.

As an adult, I understand her much better.

She believed in education.

She believed in hard work.

She believed that her children should be independent and able to stand on their own feet.

Because of her, I learned how to stand up for myself and how to keep going when life becomes difficult.

She taught me discipline, responsibility and resilience.

She also passed on something that remains a huge part of my life today: my love for Surinamese-Hindustani food and cooking.

Growing up, I learned traditional dishes and cooking skills from her. At the time, I probably took those lessons for granted, but today I treasure them.

Many of the recipes I make and the joy I find in cooking come directly from the things she taught me.

Although my mother spoke Surinamese with her own mother, she wanted her children to speak Dutch. She believed that speaking Dutch well would give us opportunities and help us build a future in the Netherlands.

But there was another side to my mother that people might not expect.

Although she could be strict and sometimes conservative, she was also surprisingly modern.

She loved music.

Bob Marley.

UB40.

Tina Turner.

She enjoyed concerts and loved listening to music.

She dressed modern and made sure my sister and I were dressed stylishly too.

Looking back, I realise she was balancing two worlds herself.

Part traditional.

Part modern.

Part Surinamese-Hindustani.

Part Dutch.

My father was completely different.

He was relaxed, funny and easy to talk to.

We laughed a lot together.

He could be strict when necessary, but he was fair.

He always wanted to hear both sides of a story before making a judgement.

That is something I still carry with me today.

If I am honest, I think I am much more like my father.

I felt closer to him growing up.

He was the softer parent, and I could talk to him about almost anything.

One of the hardest moments of my life happened on my 30th birthday.

That was the day I received the phone call telling me that my father had passed away.

It is a moment I will never forget.

Some dates become part of your life forever.

That is one of them.

As a child and teenager, I often felt different from the people around me.

I was creative.

I loved drawing.

I made things with my hands.

My clothing style was different from many of the other children at school.

I was not one of the popular girls.

I had one close friend, a red-haired girl who was often bullied herself.

Perhaps that is why we understood each other so well.

School was not always easy.

I was bullied, and there were times when I felt like I did not fit in.

Another thing that often surprised people was my appearance.

When I told people that I was half Surinamese-Hindustani and half Dutch, they were often surprised.

Many people seemed to have a certain image in mind of what a Surinamese-Hindustani woman should look like, and they did not always see me fitting that image.

Most of my Surinamese family members looked very different from me.

My cousins, aunts and uncles all seemed to fit more naturally into what people expected.

As a child, that sometimes left me feeling caught between worlds.

Perhaps that is one of the reasons why I felt so comfortable in Mediterranean countries such as Portugal, Spain, Italy, Greece and the south of France.

Whenever I travelled there, I felt something I rarely felt at home.

I felt like I blended in.

People rarely questioned where I came from or what my background was.

Children wanted to talk to me.

People seemed curious about me in a positive way.

I felt accepted.

For a long time, I wondered why I felt more comfortable abroad than I did at home.

Those experiences shaped how I see the world today.

They taught me to appreciate different cultures, different people and different ways of life.

Perhaps that is one of the reasons I still love travelling so much.

When I was younger, I dreamed of becoming a police officer.

Unfortunately, I was considered too short at the time.

Later, I wanted to join the military.

My father thought that was a great idea.

My mother absolutely did not.

Life had other plans for me.

And honestly?

I would not change a thing.

Of course, sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I had made different choices.

We all do.

But I do not spend much time living in those thoughts.

My life unfolded exactly the way it was supposed to.

There have been wonderful moments.

There have been painful moments.

There have been mistakes, lessons, successes and disappointments.

Every one of those experiences helped shape the woman I am today.

If I could go back and speak to my sixteen-year-old self, I would simply say this:

Keep going.

Life is going to be beautiful.

There will be ups and downs.

There will be moments when you doubt yourself.

But you are stronger than you think.

You will become a strong woman.

And everything will work out.

Today, when I look back, I do not see a perfect life.

I see a real life.

A life shaped by a Surinamese-Hindustani mother, a Dutch father, travel, lessons, mistakes, growth, family and love.

And I would not trade that story for anyone else's.

Love,

Shavida