How Germany Forced Me To Grow Up

When people hear that I moved to Germany, they often imagine an exciting adventure.

And in some ways, it was.

But the reality was very different from what I expected.

At the age of 34, I decided to leave the Netherlands and move to Germany. I was looking for something different. I wanted to experience another country, another culture and step outside of my comfort zone.

What I didn't realise at the time was how much that decision would change me.

I moved to Braunlage, a small village in the Harz Mountains, close to what used to be East Germany.

It was beautiful.

Mountains everywhere.

Nature all around me.

But it was also incredibly quiet.

Too quiet.

The first thing I struggled with was the language.

I spoke some German, but the local dialect was very different from the German I had learned. Conversations were difficult and building friendships wasn't easy.

The culture was different too.

Where I lived, people were much more reserved than I was used to in the Netherlands. People mostly kept to themselves and making contact was harder than I expected.

That was probably the biggest shock.

The loneliness.

My partner worked in the Netherlands during the week, which meant I spent most of my days alone.

Really alone.

There were days when I watched television simply because there was nothing else to do.

There were days when I looked out of the window and wondered what I was doing there.

There were days when I cried.

Not because Germany was a bad place.

But because I felt isolated.

At the time, the internet connection where I lived was terrible. Looking back, that sounds like a small problem, but when you are far away from everything familiar, even small things become important.

The world felt very far away.

I remember asking myself more than once:

"What am I doing here?"

It wasn't the mountains.

It wasn't the language.

It wasn't even the village.

It was the feeling that I had nobody to fall back on.

For the first time in my life, I had to solve everything myself.

Every problem.

Every challenge.

Every decision.

And that is exactly why those years changed me so much.

Before Germany, I was much more carefree.

I always believed things would somehow work out.

And often they did.

But Germany taught me something different.

It taught me responsibility.

It taught me independence.

And most of all, it taught me that I was stronger than I thought.

When things became difficult, there was nobody coming to rescue me.

I had to figure it out.

And somehow, I did.

Not perfectly.

Not without tears.

But I did it.

I stayed for five years.

Five years that were sometimes difficult, sometimes beautiful and sometimes lonely.

Would I do it again?

Yes.

Without hesitation.

But I would do it differently.

I would push myself to meet more people.

I would explore more.

I would take more chances.

Most importantly, I would trust myself sooner.

Because if there is one lesson Germany taught me, it is this:

You never truly know how strong you are until life forces you to stand on your own two feet.

And for that lesson, I will always be grateful.

Love,

Shavida